It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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