No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize