She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Randomize
