He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
