help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
