oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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