she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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