remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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