you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
