mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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