I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Randomize
