I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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