recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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