last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How's work?
Spinning.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize