It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
