Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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