How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
