At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
