i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
