Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
