I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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