dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
