Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
