I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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