um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
