im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
