Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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