I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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