Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
