i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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