it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
