I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize