I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
