Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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