Don't you send me to vm
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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