Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
