i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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