The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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