when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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