Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
