last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize