am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
