1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
