I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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