alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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