Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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