dude i'm inner monologue high
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
