i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
3pm strippers are depressing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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