Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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