I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
