there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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