I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize