So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize