The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
