Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we're so committed to being not committed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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