Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
