went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
