Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize