I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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