theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
