I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
