Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
