Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
