he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
