he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
