she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
