I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
