Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
