New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
