1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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