people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
