i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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