I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
