there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
