he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize