I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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