she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
