I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
