being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
