i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
