The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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